Wrestling with Sin

What is sin?

In this moment...all I can say is that it is something that hurts.

I woke up this morning exhausted;
not because I was super physically active yesterday,
but becasue my emotions had been raging--
raging in anger.

I received a message from an old friend of mine--
a young man who had called forth my God-designed feminity--
and he has fallen away from the Lord;
a profound emptiness.

I just left a friend of mine
who confessed the sinful thoughts that had filled his mind--
mostly as a response to my own angry sin.

I've been working on an exegetical project
on Romans 7.
Here, sin is not just an action or a thought,
but it is a being all of its own.
An entity that has the power
to manipulate the Law and
to control our flesh.
Sin has the power
to inflict death.

Paul describes the war
between the law of God
and the law of sin.
He calls himself a
slave
to sin.
Wretched man that I am!
Who will set me free from the body of this death?

I sit here.

And wait for a response.

Paul continues:
Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!

But--

Thanks for what?
Because I look at the next sentence
and the war
is still raging.

I read on;
to chapter 8.

For the law of the Spirit of life in Chirst Jesus
has set you free
from the law of sin
and of death.
But, Paul, I don't understand.
Because the war is still raging.

For the mind set on the flesh is death,
but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace.
Well then my mind--and the mind of countless others--
must be on the flesh...
This isn't helping me.

However, you are not in the flesh
(Really, Paul?)
but in the Spirit
(if you insist...),
if indeed the Spirit of God dwells in you.
But if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ,
he does not belong to Him.
Alight, I am not convinced that I am of Christ then,
because this battle is not going well for me.

I can hear Paul telling me to wait.

If Christ is in you,
(and He is, Jaime)
though the body is dead
because of sin,
yet the spirit is alive
because of righteousness.
So are you telling me that the war
will go on forever?
This seems to be torture!

But if the Spirit of Him
who raised Jesus from the dead
dwells in you
(as He does),
He who raised Christ Jesus from the dead
will also give life to your mortal bodies
through His Spirit who dwells in you.
But this is not now, right?
Because if it is now.....I'm skeptical.

 Paul tells me I have to wait.
For if you are living according to the flesh
you must die
(what?);
but if by the Spirit
(by the Spirit, Jaime)
you are putting to death
the deeds of the body
(this requires effort, Jaime),
you will live.

For you have not received a spirit of slavery
leading to fear again,
but you have received a spirit of adoption
as sons by which we cry out,
"Abba! Father!"
(Are you crying out, Jaime?)
I am a child of God?
I am a child of God.
My spirit testifies that I am a child of God.
For I consider that the sufferings
of this present time
are not worthy
to be compared with the glory
that is to be revealed in us.
I must wait.
All creation groans with me.
For in hope
we have been saved,
but hope that is seen is not hope;
for who hopes for what he already sees?
But if we hope for what we do not see,
with perseverance we wait
eagerly
for it.
In the same way the Spirit
also helps our weakness.
If God is for us,
who is against us?
Who will separate us from the love
of Christ?
For I am convinced
 that neither
death, nor life,
nor angels, nor principalities,
nor things present, nor things to come,
nor powers,
nor height, nor depth,
nor any other created thing,
will be able to separate
us from the love
of God,
which is in Christ Jesus
our Lord.

Yes, Jaime,
there is a war in your being.
A war between My Law
and the law of sin.
But My Spirit is aligned with your spirit,
and I know that you are My child.
Yes, Jaime,
death dwells within your body.
But, be patient, for I will restore life there as well.
Yes, Jaime,
sin causes pain and ultimately death.
Yes, this war is real.
But you must trust Me.
Trust that I
foreknew,
predestined,
conformed,
called,
justified,
and glorified.
Trust that this war
will not
separate
any
of my sheep from Me.
Yourself included.
You must
trust,
obey,
be patient,
have faith,
hope,
and love.
Do this...
until I give you further instructions.
I got this, Jaime.
I know what I'm doing.
Leave this to Me.