Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Forget Me Not

This poem is a sestina. Sestinas are composed of six stanzas of six lines each, followed by a three-line envoy. The final words in each line are repeated in a predetermined order and also occur in the final envoy.

Forget Me Not

Are you asking me to forget?!
Telling me that forgetting is the only way the pain
will go away? I sure hope
not! Because I doubt you can understand this emptiness.
This feeling like my joy
is forever gone--as if it will be impossible to heal.

I know I must let go of him in order to heal,
but don't ask me to forget.
Don't ask me to dump all my memories of joy--
it's worth the pain
to hold onto those. Perhaps it will make the emptiness
endure--but therein lies my hope.

Do I dare cling to this hope?
Will it prevent my ability to heal;
my ability to ask God to fill the emptiness?
O God, I don't want to forget!
But neither do I want the pain!
Will You be my Joy?

Somehow, someway can my Joy
come from You? Can I hope 
in You instead of feeling the pain
of hoping in him? I want to heal,
God! But to forget
seems to throw it all away. Is not that emptiness?

I see now the emptiness
in the relationship. But there was such joy
too! How can I forget
the hope
of a future (with him)? Oh heal
my heart, God! Take away the pain!

For the pain
is all I feel! My heart is overcome with emptiness--
he is gone; where are You? I know you can heal
with just one touch. That being with You brings eternal Joy.
I need that kind of hope.
May that be what I never forget.

But I need You to heal the pain; 
because I don't want to forget. But then it binds me to emptiness!
Will You restore my Joy? God: "I must be your only source of Hope."

Since writing this piece I have been reminded that we should not pray for God to take us out of the pain or out of the darkness or out of the valley; for it is in the pain that we most cling to Him. Therefore, my cry should be, "God, hold me through this pain." Once again, a song comes to my head: "Held" by Natalie Grant. Lord, I do not deny that this poem was a prayer from my raw emotions; however, I pray that You keep me where You will. Have Your way with me, Lord. Amen.  

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